Something To Look Forward To
by J.J. Blue
Summary: 1929. In an ordinary sunny afternoon Tsuzuki tries to learn some Jujutsu and in the same time to give Touda more freedom... [Betaed]


**Title:** **"Something To Look Forward To"**  
**Author:** J.J.  
**Warning:** It's **BASED ON THE MANGA**... some use of Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...  
**Notes:** This work is based on the manga, more precisely on the **'Tsuzuki and Hisoka's Shikigami Series'**. However the manga didn't say when Tsuzuki got his Shikigami and how things were between them at the beginning. I supposed he got all the twelve ShinSho pretty early and that at the beginning the conditions set for Touda's release were a bit more strict. I may be wrong. Only Matsushita Sensei knows the truth and I hope she will share it with us soon.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Yami no Matsuei"** belong to Matsushita Yoko. I'm merely using her characters because I love them... especially Touda, Tsuzuki and Hisoka...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:** To **Sublimeparadigm** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** 1929. In an ordinary sunny afternoon Tsuzuki tries to learn some Jujutsu and in the same time to give Touda more freedom...

* * *

**_"Come dance with me now  
We'll dance without a care  
I'm as free as a fire  
And change is in the air  
There are some things in my life  
I'll never understand  
But they become the force  
That makes me who I am"  
(Mellisa Ethridge - "The Different")_**

* * *

**GenSoKai, Tenku-kyuu - 1929**

It was an ordinary sunny day. SoRyu had been forced to leave Tenku-kyuu to settle something. Not that Touda cared about it; he had never cared much about other people's business and now he did even less then before. He had thought that once he was out of that prison everything would go better but... 

His thoughts were rudely interrupted as Tsuzuki almost jumped on him. Really, his master shouldn't spend so much time with Byakko...(1) 

Anyway, Touda was about to greet him when the man hushed him and dragged him in a darker corner. He blinked as Tsuzuki looked around as if making sure no one was paying attention to them. What was he up now? 

"Do you have some free time now?" Tsuzuki asked him almost eagerly. Touda nodded. It was highly unlikely he would have something to do. No one trusted him enough to allow him to do anything. Besides, he didn't have to do things for others. He took orders only from Tsuzuki and the man rarely gave them.(2) 

"Wanna come with me then?" Tsuzuki inquired with a tone that sounded somewhere between pleading and excited. Touda shrugged; it really didn't matter to him. 

"If you want me to..." 

"Great! Then follow me!" Tsuzuki exclaimed gripping Touda's hand and began dragging him while running towards the exit to Tenku-kyuu. 

"Tsuzuki! That is..." Touda said, realizing where they were heading. 

"I know! Hurry up before the others notice!" the Shinigami interrupted him, with the look of a child who had just found the perfect way to steal a vase of strawberry jam and didn't want to get caught doing it. It was almost amusing. They ran out of Tenku-kyuu and into the forest. They had been out of it for a while before Tsuzuki decided they could stop. 

"Tsuzuki. SoRyu won't like this. He said I wasn't allowed to leave and-" 

"Wrong," the man stopped him raising a finger. "He said you weren't allowed to leave Tenku-kyuu on your own. You're with me. I told you to follow me. Plus, he and Suzaku-neesan are always rambling about how _'a Shikigami's duty is to be his master's sword and shield and do whatever his master says'_," Tsuzuki said in a passable imitation of SoRyu. "And Genbu-jiisan said I shouldn't go out of Tenku-jisan alone. So I asked you, you said you wanted to go and it's all settled. And anyways, SoRyu won't be back till tomorrow and everyone else is too busy to notice." 

"You planned this out," Touda stated. He didn't know whether to be amused or impressed. 

"Well, you didn't expect me to listen to all those stupid conditions they set and then say _'Yeah, sure, let's do it like that!'_" Tsuzuki had been complaining over the conditions set for his release right from day one. He didn't accomplish much, but he was working on it. Touda had been impressed by his stubbornness over a matter that would bring him no gain. "You expected me to say that, didn't you?" Tsuzuki questioned, frowning, as he studied his Shikigami's expression. 

"Everyone else would have," he pointed out. 

"Oh? Have you tried everyone else out?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"No need for that. It's just how things work," he said simply. 

"Listen, I know half of the people in the world sometimes behave like first class jerks, but it doesn't mean everyone behaves like that," Tsuzuki said in a kind tone that seemed honest. 

"If you say so," he conceded. He knew Tsuzuki wasn't like the others. He just hadn't yet realized **HOW** different he was from the others. 

Tsuzuki sighed. He could recognize a lost cause when he saw one. This, of course, didn't mean he was going to accept defeat; he would merely postpone the next battle over the topic. 

"By the way, do you know a nice, quiet corner around here? I'm not too familiar with this place..." he inquired. 

"Probably. Are you looking for something specific?" 

"As long as it's a place where I can study this in peace, then it's fine," Tsuzuki said, showing him the book he was carrying. It was a Jujutsu book, an advanced one you wouldn't normally see in the hands of such a young Shinigami. "The Sempai gave it to me. He said it's important that I learn everything it says. I want him to be proud of me when I get back." Touda was sure that if the man wasn't proud to have, as a partner, the only Shinigami who had the twelve ShinSho as his own Shikigami and had mastered such complex spells like the ones Tsuzuki already used, the man was probably a hopeless idiot. Anyways, Tsuzuki's partner wasn't his problem. 

"Follow me, then," Touda said, starting to walk through the trees. Tsuzuki did so, chattering happily of meaningless matters. It was a familiar sound, one the Shikigami had learned to be comfortable with. Touda stopped as the trees opened and a small river became visible. The view was nice, there was light enough for Tsuzuki to read, and there was water just in case the Shinigami got thirsty. It wasn't too distant from Tenku-kyuu, but enough to give his master quiet and privacy. "Is this place suitable?" he asked as Tsuzuki took a look around. 

"Perfect! It's really nice!" the man commented as he sat down under a tree and started to read. Touda looked at him, feeling unsure. Was he supposed to stand or was he allowed to sit? 

"Oh, ehm, if you want to you can go for a walk or something. You don't really have to babysit me. Just... do whatever you want," Tsuzuki told him, noticing his confusion. To be honest, that was Tsuzuki's main plan: to get Touda out of Tenku-kyuu and let him enjoy a bit of freedom. A quiet place in which he could study without distractions was merely an added bonus. 

"I can do what I want?" the Shikigami asked in an almost unbelieving tone. 

"As long as it didn't cause property or people damage, yes," Tsuzuki said in a dismissive tone, as if it wasn't really anything extraordinary. "But we have to be back for dinner," he warned. 

Touda wondered if Tsuzuki realized exactly what he was doing. Not only was Tsuzuki trusting him enough to be alone with him, away from Tenku-kyuu - Touda, a criminal feared throughout all of GenSoKai - but he was also letting him **_free_**. Free to do what he wanted, free to go where he preferred. Not merely out of Tenku-kyuu's prison, but free. Tsuzuki dragged him out of Tenku-kyuu and then let him free. It was too astonishing for him to comprehend. 

"You... do you mind if I stay here?" he asked. He had considered leaving, wandering around and doing something, but now that he had the chance to do it, he couldn't think of anything he wanted to do, anyplace he wanted to go. Staying with Tsuzuki was an option as good as the others; maybe even better than the others, since to him the Shinigami was the only pleasurable company he knew and the only one he trusted. 

"No, of course not," Tsuzuki reassured him "Are you sure you don't want to leave?" Tsuzuki wasn't used to being considered good company. His Shikigami and his sempai seemed to like him enough, but the man was still convinced they were merely tolerating him or just being polite. 

"I'm fine here," Touda said sitting down near Tsuzuki. The man smiled and Touda had the distinct impression he... understood, as if he too had been dreaming of freedom and, once he got it, hadn't known what to do with it. They sat there silently; the only sounds that could be heard were some birds singing and Tsuzuki turning the pages. The man was... different, as he studied the book. Concentrated. Serious. Adult-looking. Touda absently decided he liked this side of Tsuzuki too and laid down on the fresh grass, his arms crossed under his head, less than an arm's length from the Shinigami. All in all, it felt weird to be there. No, weird wasn't the right word. It was... relaxing, and almost... pleasurable. Such an odd feeling, a feeling he had almost forgotten in all those years he spent chained in the darkness. He turned toward Tsuzuki. The Shinigami was looking at him, a smile on his lips. 

"You could try to sleep, you know. You look tired," Tsuzuki suggested. 

"I'm fine." 

"You're even more stubborn than SoRyu, you know that?" Tsuzuki commented, sounding amused. It made Touda feel like he could grin as well somehow. 

"And proud of it," he affirmed in reply. Tsuzuki chuckled. 

"I bet I could top you both," the Shinigami challenged as he raised his hand and slid it hesitantly in his Shikigami's hair in a gentle, affectionate caress. Touda tensed for a fraction of a second, his warrior's instinct kicking in immediately, before relaxing again. He never liked to be touched, it left him exposed to an attack, but he trusted Tsuzuki and his touch... was different from the others'. It was soothing, almost pleasurable. It somehow felt good. He liked it. 

"Don't stop," he said, as the man, sensing his tension, was about to remove his hand, before remembering he wasn't supposed to give orders to Tsuzuki. Any other master wouldn't have forgiven him for using such a commanding tone. He looked up at Tsuzuki but the man was merely smiling down at him as he kept petting his hair - hair that was now cut short due to the KouTei KouRyu's request. Tsuzuki's hand smothering it felt almost... comforting, as if the gesture could erase the betrayal, the abandonment, the years of imprisonment, the shaming conditions set for his release, the nightmares of being forced back into that prison. All things he didn't want to think about. All things he couldn't help but think about, no matter how stupid and useless it was to waste his time over them. 

"Try to sleep, Touda. Everything will be okay from now on," Tsuzuki said in a soothing, reassuring tone as Touda allowed himself to be lulled by the movement of his master's hand on his hair. It didn't really take him much to fall asleep. 

* * *

He awoke a couple of hours later. He hated waking up, everything felt... fuzzy and numb, and usually it took him a while to fully wake up. He blinked a couple of times to focus on his surroundings, then sat up. Tsuzuki's hand slid from his head as he did so. Apparently the man had fallen asleep as well while he was still petting him and after studying a good part of his book. He was somewhat... cute as he was sleeping - not exactly as childish as he looked sometimes, and yet younger than a twenty six year-old man. 

They were supposed to be back for dinner, so he could allow Tsuzuki another half hour of sleep before waking him up. His master needed sleep. He knew he wasn't the only one who had nightmares and judging from the man's reaction, even if he had no idea exactly what it was that plagued Tsuzuki, it looked even more frightening than what tormented Touda himself. 

* * *

In the end, he didn't have to wake Tsuzuki up. The Shinigami woke up by himself a few minutes later. Touda watched him yawning, blinking, recognizing and greeting him and then checking his watch. 

"It's getting late. I guess we better leave," Tsuzuki said with a sigh. He didn't seem very happy about leaving, but he looked fully awake. Lucky guy, who needed only such a short amount of time to fully wake up. Touda stood, ready to obey to his master's command. Tsuzuki got up as well, giving a last glance at his book and then placing a sign in the middle of its pages before closing it with a look of regret. He hadn't planned to fall asleep. 

"I didn't notice you were left-handed," Touda pointed out as they started walking. In fact, he could have sworn Tsuzuki was right-handed... 

"I'm not. Why do you say that?" Tsuzuki asked, blinking in confusion. 

"You wear your watch on your right wrist. It's uncommon," he explained. 

"Is it? I didn't know... that's my first watch," he said wrapping his left hand around it, as if to protect it or to hide it "My Sempai gave it to me," he added in a cheerful tone "He said it would remind me of him every time I would think... It doesn't matter." His cheerful tone had died as he had trailed off. 

"I see. You didn't have it when we first met." Should he mention he saw the scars? Scars a Shinigami shouldn't have, considering their healing powers, unless they were the cause of his death... Tsuzuki understood what he was thinking anyway. 

"You saw them, didn't you?" the man wasn't looking at him, but at the wrist latch he was rubbing with his left thumb. Touda knew Tsuzuki looked absentminded, but could be sharp and perceptive when he wanted to. 

"It's how you died, isn't it?" No one among the ShinSho knew how Tsuzuki died. He mentioned being in a hospital once and everyone jumped to the conclusion he died due to some illness. They were all too delicate, too considerate to ask the man bluntly what happened, but Touda knew a part of it had to lie in Tsuzuki's problems. You didn't become a Shinigami if you didn't have strong link with ChiJou. You couldn't get a strong link with ChiJou unless something happened to you - and this _'something'_ was usually something bad, that kept you chained to ChiJou instead of allowing you to move over. Touda was sure he didn't want Tsuzuki to move over but he still would like to help lighten the burden on his master's shoulders, at least a little. 

"Yes. That's how I finally died," Tsuzuki answered it as if he found relief in that thought. Touda nodded at him. He could understand. "Aren't you going to say anything?" Tsuzuki inquired, "People always seem to have something to say about it." 

"That's because they're stupid. They weren't there. They weren't you. They've no right to judge." 

"Maybe," Tsuzuki murmured, not persuaded at all as he started walking again. 

"Tsuzuki," Touda said as he gripped the man's arm, stopping him, "They really have no right and they're probably too stupid to understand anyway. Don't let them affect you." Tsuzuki looked at him almost studying him. 

"You understand instead," he said quietly. Touda shrugged. His life hadn't been a bowl of cherries either. He had considered the option in the darkness of his prison. More often than he wanted to admit. He just... never had the chance to try it. 

"I'm sorry. It's something... it's better not to understand," Tsuzuki said, eyes downcast. Touda shrugged again. 

"No point in crying over the past. Now things are better, aren't they?" he asked his master. They were better for **_him_**. And he owed it to Tsuzuki. He would have liked to be able to return the favour. 

"They should be," Tsuzuki replied. Somehow, they were now. People tended to try to talk to him about this but that was the first time someone tried to... listen, to understand. That had made things better. That had made him feel less alone. Tsuzuki smiled an honest smile. Touda didn't exactly smile back but his expression softened. When the topic was important they didn't need to exchange lot of words to understand each other. 

"We better go now, right?" Tsuzuki suggested, back to his cheerful mood. Touda nodded and the two started walking again in silence. "Hey Touda?" Tsuzuki asked when they were close to Tenku-kyuu. 

"What?" the other asked without turning. 

"It has been a nice afternoon, hasn't it?" His tone was a bit anxious. 

"Not bad," Touda agreed. 

"Do you think..." Tsuzuki paused hesitantly "Do you think you wouldn't mind getting out of Tenku-kyuu again?" The Shikigami turned to look at his master who, right then, was looking at him with the expression of a shy, scared child. 

"Why wouldn't I?" he said, shrugging. He didn't particularly care about where Tsuzuki wanted to drag him. 

"With me, I mean," Tsuzuki added hesitantly. 

"That's really a stupid question. Do you think I would like to wander around with someone else?" It was almost insulting to think he would favour someone else's company in place of Tsuzuki's. Tsuzuki said nothing but one could clearly tell from his look that yes, he expected it and wouldn't blame him for it. Touda almost groaned. There were things Tsuzuki understood better than others and other things which he needed to spell out to his master very clearly for him to grasp them. 

"No. I won't mind. I won't mind **_at all_**," he replied honestly. Tsuzuki smiled then, a smile of pure happiness that Touda rarely saw on his face, and was almost... contagious. Almost. "Idiot," he whispered affectionately. He knew Tsuzuki won't take offense by it. Predictably, his master only complained that he was a real meanie when he wanted to be, but there was a joking note in his tone, as if the whole thing was merely a private joke between the two of them. Yes, he thought, he won't mind at all to get out of Tenku-kyuu again with Tsuzuki. To be honest, he would look forward to it.

* * *

**_"Quando sono triste e mi capita  
Di dover provare vuoti d'anima  
Ora so che c'è  
Io so che c'è qualcuno in più  
Io so che ci sei tu  
E tu mi ascolterai  
In segno d'amicizia, la nostra amicizia"  
("When I'm sad and it happens  
I feel emptiness in my soul  
Now I know there is  
I know there is someone else  
I know there is you  
And you will listen to me  
As token of friendship, our friendship")  
(Eros Ramazzotti - "In segno d'amicizia")_**

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. When Hisoka went in GenSoKai Byakko litterally jumped on him to greet him. 

2. In the manga all Touda seems to do is working on the computer. I'm assuming he didn't get to do it as soon as he got out of his prison but later. Touda also declares he takes orders only from Tsuzuki, which may means also he doesn't have to obey to SoRyu or the Koutei KouRyu anymore. 

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
I'm not overfond of this. Somehow I keep making up ideas for facts happened before YnM started and almost all of them tend to involve Tsuzuki and his Shiki. This should have been a tiny flashback posted into another fic but in the end I decided it could work as stand alone and here it is. Since it's placed in 1929 both Touda and Tsuzuki are a bit different from how they're in 1995/99 (the years covered by the manga) and so is their relationship. 

**Dictionary:**  
**ChiJou:** Land of the living  
**Enma:** "Demon of darkness". Ruler of the Land of Dead  
**Enma-Cho:** "Office Enma". In the 5th district of JuOhCho. It's ruled by Enma himself and controls only Tokyo's territory. It hosts the Shokan-ka  
**GenSoKai:** "Illusory World". World in which the Shikigami reside  
**Jiisan:** "Grandfather" of "Old man"  
**Jisan:** "Uncle" or "Mister"  
**Jujutsu:** Magic Art  
**KouTei KouRyu:** "Golden Emperor Golden Dragon". The highest authority in GenSoKai  
**Meifu:** Land of the dead  
**Neesan:** "Older sister" or "Older girl"  
**Sempai:** "Older Co-worker" or "Older Classmate"  
**Shiki:** Short for 'Shikigami'  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creatures with two forms (usually one is animal looking while the other is human looking) that live in GenSoKai  
**Shinigami:** "God of death", "Death God". Nickname for the Shokan-ka workers  
**ShinSho:** Divine Commander  
**Shokan-Ka:** "Summoning Division". Division in Enma-Cho that deals with summoning the dead to appear at court. It enters in action only when the souls of the dead don't go spontaneously to Meifu  
**Tenku-kyuu:** "Sky Palace". Tenku's title

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


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